I have deliberately not blogged since the last entry as I wish to stay true to my purpose and not use this space to vent, to rant, to air my mental and emotional disconcerts. I will just record that they have been many - a good sign according to my therapist. It shows I am not holding on to 'stuff.'
I have reached a place of acceptance - da da - having once again passed through those stages that Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross so succinctly describes. With all due diligence given to my situation by my doctors, my advisors and myself, I have reached the place where I choose to undergo at least one systemic therapy and thus give myself a good chance of surviving at least another 10 years in full health and happiness. This hormonal link is strong; hormones belong to the system. Cancer in fact is a systemic disease. I meet with the medical oncologist again next Tuesday, after which we will begin our journey into the world of metal, heavy metal. Allopathic therapy leads the treatment focus for now. Su-An
4/2/10
Allo April
Feeling together enough to continue this written journey, I see now how art/poetry is created. It is well nigh impossible to record the deepest hopes and fears of the human heart in any linear way.
I am back at the bargaining table.
The medical lot are recommending radiation - practically a given, a standard procedure following surgery and I can understand that. It's like burning the ends of a plastic rope. You don't want it to fray. We burn the edges of the tumour site to erase the stray cells.
And then we consider 'adjuvant systemic therapy.' What does that mean? Cancer is considered a systemic disease, and in my case it is very receptive to hormones. Adjuvant means 'chemical substance or treatment which assists the action of another.' We are thus looking at kick-ass chemotherapy over a 12 week period - 4 lots, one every 3 weeks, intravenous and unbelievably altering on all levels from the cellular to the soul, followed by a daily medication over 5 years of a chemical substance that either reaches the cell before the hormone (Tamoxifen) or decreases the hormone production in the first place. (aromatose inhibitor).
I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt with both approaches, and that is why I am again in a place of bargaining with myself. I will not undergo both again. No, nein, non, niet, nay, na na na na na.......
As it happens, my situation is not clear cut and dried, rather like life itself. So far it seems I am at a high intermediate risk for recurrence - totally in keeping with my aptitude for another language.
My case goes before a group of medical experts on April 9th, I meet with a radiation oncologist on the 13th and meanwhile, walk the dog.
Giving myself a lot of space for what's next, I am still Su-An
I am back at the bargaining table.
The medical lot are recommending radiation - practically a given, a standard procedure following surgery and I can understand that. It's like burning the ends of a plastic rope. You don't want it to fray. We burn the edges of the tumour site to erase the stray cells.
And then we consider 'adjuvant systemic therapy.' What does that mean? Cancer is considered a systemic disease, and in my case it is very receptive to hormones. Adjuvant means 'chemical substance or treatment which assists the action of another.' We are thus looking at kick-ass chemotherapy over a 12 week period - 4 lots, one every 3 weeks, intravenous and unbelievably altering on all levels from the cellular to the soul, followed by a daily medication over 5 years of a chemical substance that either reaches the cell before the hormone (Tamoxifen) or decreases the hormone production in the first place. (aromatose inhibitor).
I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt with both approaches, and that is why I am again in a place of bargaining with myself. I will not undergo both again. No, nein, non, niet, nay, na na na na na.......
As it happens, my situation is not clear cut and dried, rather like life itself. So far it seems I am at a high intermediate risk for recurrence - totally in keeping with my aptitude for another language.
My case goes before a group of medical experts on April 9th, I meet with a radiation oncologist on the 13th and meanwhile, walk the dog.
Giving myself a lot of space for what's next, I am still Su-An
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