'Morph: intr.slang - be transformed' (COD)

I have been asked to elaborate on this time betwixt and between: I call it ‘morphing into a new manifestation.’

This is a very interesting inquiry into the process of transformation. I have always been intrigued by that moment of change – why in just that moment does the dyke open and waters run? Patanjali Yog Darshan (the handbook for yogis) tells us that it happens when everything needed to effect that change is supplied to the original state. The caterpillar will morph into the butterfly when all necessary conditions are met.

Prior to that emergence of new life, the caterpillar spends time inside its chrysalis - a period of transition.
As I undergo these allopathic healing treatments, I recognize I am in a time of transition; by nature it is one of uncertainty.
This uncertainty, scary at times as it may be, is actually a very important and essential part of our growth and evolution. It is a temporary stage – important to recognize that point and allow that these spaces of discomfort, confusion and fear are actually setting the stage for a new clarity and wisdom to emerge.
One characteristic of this uncertainty is that we have very little clue as to what kind of butterfly we will become – what if it is a moth? We are no longer in apparent control; we rest on very shaky ground, desperately searching for something to hold on to. This is where the discipline of practice enters the picture in a very helpful and friendly way. In a recent earthquake, I instantly ran for the doorframe – that drill was in my head. Mind you, once there, I realized I could actually go outside into the open. In the same way, our daily practices of awareness, whatever they be, from a morning sun-salutation to daily meditation, from chi-gung to moment to moment loving kindness, they give us that something to rest in until we see that we can leap off the cliff and we will fly.

At heart this expansion process is mysterious; this is a good thing. We rarely can believe the wonders that lie in store upon awakening.
SuAn

Three down, one to go!

The pattern is that some of my drugs on the day of treatment induce a great high and energy for the first 48 hours, giving time to do laundry, purchase ginger ale and arrowroot cookies, and generally setting up for the following week of treating the body as a baby, allowing the dance to begin. I need to create a no-stress retreat environment during that week -my only concerns to be around eating, resting, a little activity, a little elimination, and then again repeating the cycle -eating...........This way, the body's natural intelligence takes over and I can rest easy.

The good news is that my blood count was adequate for the treatment to happen. The better news is that shingles is not a side-effect of chemotherapy, which means it may not reappear. Apparently, if you are over 50, and have had chicken pox as a child, the chances of you manifesting shingles is more likely than not. A somewhat scary thought.

For me this time, the chemo depletes the immune system, which allowed for the shingles to come forth, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing - it brought the virus out into the open. I can say this now, the best news, as miraculously the pain disappeared on Sunday morning, and I am pain-free, with just a sense of a sunburn around the blisters. How that happened, who knows, but I attribute it to the anti-virals, the homeopathy, the acupuncture, my yoga practice, the Thai Yoga Massage treatment, all that, along with a large dose of prayer and grace. I am very pleased. I have been blessed in this life with very little body pain (heart and mind is another story!). I see how it infiltrates and insinuates itself bringing the whole system down. One good side effect of this is that I now have a whole lot more understanding and compassion for others in such pain.
That's the news for today. SuAn

Life's Bounce

As we reach the end of the second cyle of chemotherapy, I see the emerging 3-week pattern. Weeks one and two are intense - only to be describe to a health care professional. To everyone else who asks, "How are you?" I have learned to respond, "Fine, thankyou and you?" Otherwise I find myself mired in sickness. It may well be that I am, and I accept that I am, but it does not follow that I have to talk about it all the time. So talk to me of orchids and gardens, composting and lawn mowing and we will have a fine chat.

My dance image continues with the chemicals and my body performing a rather passionate and elaborate tango-like spin around the floor of life, a spin filled with many sharp turns and unexpected dips during weeks one and two. My immune system bends to the force of the drugs, nimbly getting out of the way before they step on her toes, to allow their lead for cleansing and healing. As we enter week 3, she begins to reassert her strength, gradually taking the lead for her kind of healing. Passion turns into grace, and we appreciate the beauty of dance.

Cycle three is scheduled for Monday if the white blood cell count is high enough. We did have a fall during this last dance - shingles around the liver - so let's see just how much the system is comprimised. We may have to introduce some new moves from a Maori war dance into our tango.
Stay tuned......SuAn