Life's journey when it meets cancer is a bit like getting lost in the woods - anything can happen, and it will. These last 2 days have found me spending my afternoons and early evenings in the emergency department of the local hospital. Going for my shower that first morning I found a very large golf ball of a lump under my armpit. So that explained the tingling I was feeling at the elbow but making no connection to the wound. DUH! This is a wonderful example of the brain fog that follows a general anaesthetic, slightly reminiscent of the major brain fog that accompanies chemotherapy. The health professionals never mention these things.
My friend tells me that a visit to the Emergency Department of a hospital is a crapshoot - defined in the dictionary as a "highly uncertain venture." I agree with that. The first visit was an excellent experience, the second, totally opposite. At that point my inner resources were finished and I exited gracefully stage left.
Comment on the weekend: Life's journey is a crapshoot.
Su-An
2/22/10
2/19/10
Sit Stay Heal
Pema Chodron tells the story of someone sending her a card in the shape of a doggie bone with the words "Sit, Stay, Heal" on it. I like that. It reminds me of the importance of letting time do its job and heal the wound. So much better if we can rest while that is happening and allow the body to work its natural intelligence without having to deal with multi-tasking unnecessary jobs. Knowing how to meditate of course helps more than a lot. I am able to sit, stay and heal, disciplining the puppy mind, which has the temperament of a monkey, to keep returning to the space, to the mantra, to the breath - whatever tool works to allow focus to take place, awareness to open and Pure Consciousness to be present.
This week saw me back for a visit with my surgeon to remove the main dressing and hear the test results. The news is good. Cancer has not spread to the liver, bones or heart -three places to which breast cancer cells like to migrate. They didn't test the brain, but the thoroughness of my eye doctor took care of that. He looked into the back of my eye for breast cancer relatedness. It was all looking good he said. "All clear" is the sound.
Then not so good news - the pressure in my right eye was up. "Maybe we should start some drops" says the doctor, followed by the observation that he detected some reluctance for me to start drops. Duh - Yes! Because once prescribed, there is an even greater reluctance on the part of the health professional to stop. I offered the point of the stress of the general anaesthetic totally messing with the body's mechanism. Luckily my doctor had had a general anaesthetic himself and had experienced brain fog for 3 weeks. (Me too) So he saw my point, and we are on hold with the drops till the next time I see him. Unless the hole in the eye (trabeculectomy for glaucoma) has grown over, I should be able to get the pressure down with dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits.
One interesting observation concerns the over-diagnosis and treatment of conditions. For example, all the tests I did show that there is Degenerative Disc Disease here, a small cyst there, mild scoliosis somewhere else. We start to see the need for parameters around how upset or excited we are going to get over our body health. From the net: "Disc degeneration is a natural part of aging and over time all people will exhibit changes in their discs consistent with a greater or lesser degree of degeneration. However, not all people will develop symptoms. In fact, degenerative disc disease is quite variable in its nature and severity."
Thanks to my diet and lifestyle I have no bodily pain - just the symptoms of a a biological entity changing over time - I liken it to barnacles on a ship. No big deal. Maybe cancer should be viewed in the same light? Somewhere, however, that is a big deal and I recoil from its progress. Life really is a great chaotic happening where nothing really makes any sense, but the mind always searches for it. Again, the joy of meditation to rest in Being.
We still don't know the details of the tumour. Stay tuned for that and the next step. Su-An
This week saw me back for a visit with my surgeon to remove the main dressing and hear the test results. The news is good. Cancer has not spread to the liver, bones or heart -three places to which breast cancer cells like to migrate. They didn't test the brain, but the thoroughness of my eye doctor took care of that. He looked into the back of my eye for breast cancer relatedness. It was all looking good he said. "All clear" is the sound.
Then not so good news - the pressure in my right eye was up. "Maybe we should start some drops" says the doctor, followed by the observation that he detected some reluctance for me to start drops. Duh - Yes! Because once prescribed, there is an even greater reluctance on the part of the health professional to stop. I offered the point of the stress of the general anaesthetic totally messing with the body's mechanism. Luckily my doctor had had a general anaesthetic himself and had experienced brain fog for 3 weeks. (Me too) So he saw my point, and we are on hold with the drops till the next time I see him. Unless the hole in the eye (trabeculectomy for glaucoma) has grown over, I should be able to get the pressure down with dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits.
One interesting observation concerns the over-diagnosis and treatment of conditions. For example, all the tests I did show that there is Degenerative Disc Disease here, a small cyst there, mild scoliosis somewhere else. We start to see the need for parameters around how upset or excited we are going to get over our body health. From the net: "Disc degeneration is a natural part of aging and over time all people will exhibit changes in their discs consistent with a greater or lesser degree of degeneration. However, not all people will develop symptoms. In fact, degenerative disc disease is quite variable in its nature and severity."
Thanks to my diet and lifestyle I have no bodily pain - just the symptoms of a a biological entity changing over time - I liken it to barnacles on a ship. No big deal. Maybe cancer should be viewed in the same light? Somewhere, however, that is a big deal and I recoil from its progress. Life really is a great chaotic happening where nothing really makes any sense, but the mind always searches for it. Again, the joy of meditation to rest in Being.
We still don't know the details of the tumour. Stay tuned for that and the next step. Su-An
2/12/10
Post surgery
A general anaesthetic must be the black hole of consciousness. One minute on the table, and as if the next minute coughing awake in the recovery room with no sense of any time having passed. I am thankful for anaesthesia, along with the amazing kindness of all hospital employees.
In days of yore, aspiring yogis would be sent to the cremation ground to meditate all night on the transient nature of the body. These days I suggest you spend a morning in the waiting room of a hospital's day surgery. You will get the point. It is a humbling experience - a disillusionment of belief in this human body as permanent. Yet, because there is someone, something, some consciousness who is ever present, we naturally search for this and put it on what we see - our bodies! As I allow time to heal the wound of the knife cut, (partial mastectomy and sentinel node removal)I reflect on these matters and wonder at this thing I call life with what I call me in it.
Su-An
In days of yore, aspiring yogis would be sent to the cremation ground to meditate all night on the transient nature of the body. These days I suggest you spend a morning in the waiting room of a hospital's day surgery. You will get the point. It is a humbling experience - a disillusionment of belief in this human body as permanent. Yet, because there is someone, something, some consciousness who is ever present, we naturally search for this and put it on what we see - our bodies! As I allow time to heal the wound of the knife cut, (partial mastectomy and sentinel node removal)I reflect on these matters and wonder at this thing I call life with what I call me in it.
Su-An
2/4/10
Insights, Acupuncture and Homeopathy
Reflecting on the Journey work as I found myself feeling lighter, brighter and receiving a compliment that I looked 10 years younger, I am reminded of a great lesson - life is both universal and personal. On the personal level, it's all about me. (Universally it's all about ME, but that is subject for another day.) Back to me. There are two sides here - one the great joke of someone talking of themselves and then saying: "That's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"
That's not what I want to convey here. I will however make it personal to illustrate my point. In my confused reactionary state to this breast cancer recurrence, I put a lot of blame out there on my dad. It has nothing to do with him. He did the best he could always. It was me who absorbed the environment he created around me - yes, unwittingly, but I now have the choice to release and let go of that. This we did yesterday through our Journey process. I have done it before, and may have to do it again. We repeat the healing therapies that work for us until we get it! That's why I meditate every day. My little soul flame needs this constant reminder that Big Presence is totally one with her, and that perfection can only lie in the moment. Forgiveness for human limitations is a must.
Once we awaken to being alive, we have choices. The first step is acceptance of what is happening and taking full responsibility there. Now, I can take that Journey to release old emotional holding patterns, and work at being fully present with new waves, but when I take this approach to the subject of hormones, I am left with a disturbing thought. As much as I balance and take care of my personal ones, these xeno-estrogens are lurking lurking everywhere now in the environment, twenty first century. I feel overwhelmed with what has to be done here to rectify things. One big anchor is "Slow Death by Rubber Duck" and its recommendations.
Back to this particular case, I have begun the homeopathy to get me through the surgery and beyond. (www.homeopathysolutions.net) Also an acupuncture session yesterday that left me yawning like a baby birdie and again another deep sleep. All good. No more complementary therapies now until after the surgery and we know what else we are dealing with. All for today. Su-An
That's not what I want to convey here. I will however make it personal to illustrate my point. In my confused reactionary state to this breast cancer recurrence, I put a lot of blame out there on my dad. It has nothing to do with him. He did the best he could always. It was me who absorbed the environment he created around me - yes, unwittingly, but I now have the choice to release and let go of that. This we did yesterday through our Journey process. I have done it before, and may have to do it again. We repeat the healing therapies that work for us until we get it! That's why I meditate every day. My little soul flame needs this constant reminder that Big Presence is totally one with her, and that perfection can only lie in the moment. Forgiveness for human limitations is a must.
Once we awaken to being alive, we have choices. The first step is acceptance of what is happening and taking full responsibility there. Now, I can take that Journey to release old emotional holding patterns, and work at being fully present with new waves, but when I take this approach to the subject of hormones, I am left with a disturbing thought. As much as I balance and take care of my personal ones, these xeno-estrogens are lurking lurking everywhere now in the environment, twenty first century. I feel overwhelmed with what has to be done here to rectify things. One big anchor is "Slow Death by Rubber Duck" and its recommendations.
Back to this particular case, I have begun the homeopathy to get me through the surgery and beyond. (www.homeopathysolutions.net) Also an acupuncture session yesterday that left me yawning like a baby birdie and again another deep sleep. All good. No more complementary therapies now until after the surgery and we know what else we are dealing with. All for today. Su-An
2/3/10
Complementary Therapies begin
I sat yesterday for an hour with a Journey (C) practitioner, (www.iris-journey.com)
The practitioner asks skilful questions that release deep emotional blockages - emotions that were suppressed and/or repressed at the time of the feeling. Emotional intelligence is hard to find for many reasons, the main one being ignorance of its existence. When we begin to be curious about how it functions, our lives become a whole lot easier. Emotions are simply energy in motion - e-motion. The healthiest way to deal with them is to welcome them in, give them their air time and then see them off at the door. That whole process should take no longer than 90 seconds. Another one of those practices where implementation is way more difficult than it sounds.
Needless to say, my inner being (part of the mind sheath) is rippled with these blocks. What I see is that it is not so important to delve into the cause as to ask myself how they are serving me in this life, and how would things be if I let them go?
The process is concerned with images and feelings, opening layer upon layer until we reach the crux of the human condition, its full rawness exposed.
Afterwards I was ravenously hungry and slept like a dead person. Does that mean it worked? Time will tell!
Today we go for acupuncture...........let's see what that brings.
Su-An
The practitioner asks skilful questions that release deep emotional blockages - emotions that were suppressed and/or repressed at the time of the feeling. Emotional intelligence is hard to find for many reasons, the main one being ignorance of its existence. When we begin to be curious about how it functions, our lives become a whole lot easier. Emotions are simply energy in motion - e-motion. The healthiest way to deal with them is to welcome them in, give them their air time and then see them off at the door. That whole process should take no longer than 90 seconds. Another one of those practices where implementation is way more difficult than it sounds.
Needless to say, my inner being (part of the mind sheath) is rippled with these blocks. What I see is that it is not so important to delve into the cause as to ask myself how they are serving me in this life, and how would things be if I let them go?
The process is concerned with images and feelings, opening layer upon layer until we reach the crux of the human condition, its full rawness exposed.
Afterwards I was ravenously hungry and slept like a dead person. Does that mean it worked? Time will tell!
Today we go for acupuncture...........let's see what that brings.
Su-An
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