3/26/10
3/17/10
2 weeks later
The results of the tumour analysis are in - but not yet known. I have an appointment for those next week. Meanwhile I have been receiving some complementary therapies along with the Sit Stay Heal program. Which ones? All rightie - a list:
* Another Journey session which obliterated some old stuck belief in the bones;
* daily pet therapy - walking a dog, feeding a cat, relating on a non-verbal level;
* lymphatic massage to get it all moving and decrease the scar tissue;
* frequent doses of funny movies and laughing out lound - this is one of the best!
* the start of a qi-gung program into the life;
* baking, talking on the phone and otherwise aimlessly connecting with friends;
* researching hormones and here I have 2 more books for you:
'Natural Hormone Balance for Women' by Uzzi Reiss, M.D./O.B.GYN. (2001)
'Sexy Hormones' by Lorna R. Vanderhaeghe, MS and Alvin Pettle, MD (2007)
Both available from Amazon, who by the way, have an amazing delivery time. Ordered on Sunday, received on Wednesday.
Lots to learn here if I am to navigate the estrogen highway without medication. Back to the SSH while I begin......................Su-An
* Another Journey session which obliterated some old stuck belief in the bones;
* daily pet therapy - walking a dog, feeding a cat, relating on a non-verbal level;
* lymphatic massage to get it all moving and decrease the scar tissue;
* frequent doses of funny movies and laughing out lound - this is one of the best!
* the start of a qi-gung program into the life;
* baking, talking on the phone and otherwise aimlessly connecting with friends;
* researching hormones and here I have 2 more books for you:
'Natural Hormone Balance for Women' by Uzzi Reiss, M.D./O.B.GYN. (2001)
'Sexy Hormones' by Lorna R. Vanderhaeghe, MS and Alvin Pettle, MD (2007)
Both available from Amazon, who by the way, have an amazing delivery time. Ordered on Sunday, received on Wednesday.
Lots to learn here if I am to navigate the estrogen highway without medication. Back to the SSH while I begin......................Su-An
3/1/10
Relief
There is an enormous sense of relief in being treated (implying gift) by a health care provider who knows the person who has the disease, as opposed to being seen (implying distance) by a professional who knows only the disease that has taken the person.
Following my experience in the Emergency Department, a visit to my surgeon gave physical, mental and emotional relief to the visible lump in my body, and the not so visible ones in my mind and heart. We are still waiting for the results of the tumour analysis - time for the SSH program to kick in - Sitting, Staying, Healing Su-An
Following my experience in the Emergency Department, a visit to my surgeon gave physical, mental and emotional relief to the visible lump in my body, and the not so visible ones in my mind and heart. We are still waiting for the results of the tumour analysis - time for the SSH program to kick in - Sitting, Staying, Healing Su-An
2/22/10
Life's journey
Life's journey when it meets cancer is a bit like getting lost in the woods - anything can happen, and it will. These last 2 days have found me spending my afternoons and early evenings in the emergency department of the local hospital. Going for my shower that first morning I found a very large golf ball of a lump under my armpit. So that explained the tingling I was feeling at the elbow but making no connection to the wound. DUH! This is a wonderful example of the brain fog that follows a general anaesthetic, slightly reminiscent of the major brain fog that accompanies chemotherapy. The health professionals never mention these things.
My friend tells me that a visit to the Emergency Department of a hospital is a crapshoot - defined in the dictionary as a "highly uncertain venture." I agree with that. The first visit was an excellent experience, the second, totally opposite. At that point my inner resources were finished and I exited gracefully stage left.
Comment on the weekend: Life's journey is a crapshoot.
Su-An
My friend tells me that a visit to the Emergency Department of a hospital is a crapshoot - defined in the dictionary as a "highly uncertain venture." I agree with that. The first visit was an excellent experience, the second, totally opposite. At that point my inner resources were finished and I exited gracefully stage left.
Comment on the weekend: Life's journey is a crapshoot.
Su-An
2/19/10
Sit Stay Heal
Pema Chodron tells the story of someone sending her a card in the shape of a doggie bone with the words "Sit, Stay, Heal" on it. I like that. It reminds me of the importance of letting time do its job and heal the wound. So much better if we can rest while that is happening and allow the body to work its natural intelligence without having to deal with multi-tasking unnecessary jobs. Knowing how to meditate of course helps more than a lot. I am able to sit, stay and heal, disciplining the puppy mind, which has the temperament of a monkey, to keep returning to the space, to the mantra, to the breath - whatever tool works to allow focus to take place, awareness to open and Pure Consciousness to be present.
This week saw me back for a visit with my surgeon to remove the main dressing and hear the test results. The news is good. Cancer has not spread to the liver, bones or heart -three places to which breast cancer cells like to migrate. They didn't test the brain, but the thoroughness of my eye doctor took care of that. He looked into the back of my eye for breast cancer relatedness. It was all looking good he said. "All clear" is the sound.
Then not so good news - the pressure in my right eye was up. "Maybe we should start some drops" says the doctor, followed by the observation that he detected some reluctance for me to start drops. Duh - Yes! Because once prescribed, there is an even greater reluctance on the part of the health professional to stop. I offered the point of the stress of the general anaesthetic totally messing with the body's mechanism. Luckily my doctor had had a general anaesthetic himself and had experienced brain fog for 3 weeks. (Me too) So he saw my point, and we are on hold with the drops till the next time I see him. Unless the hole in the eye (trabeculectomy for glaucoma) has grown over, I should be able to get the pressure down with dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits.
One interesting observation concerns the over-diagnosis and treatment of conditions. For example, all the tests I did show that there is Degenerative Disc Disease here, a small cyst there, mild scoliosis somewhere else. We start to see the need for parameters around how upset or excited we are going to get over our body health. From the net: "Disc degeneration is a natural part of aging and over time all people will exhibit changes in their discs consistent with a greater or lesser degree of degeneration. However, not all people will develop symptoms. In fact, degenerative disc disease is quite variable in its nature and severity."
Thanks to my diet and lifestyle I have no bodily pain - just the symptoms of a a biological entity changing over time - I liken it to barnacles on a ship. No big deal. Maybe cancer should be viewed in the same light? Somewhere, however, that is a big deal and I recoil from its progress. Life really is a great chaotic happening where nothing really makes any sense, but the mind always searches for it. Again, the joy of meditation to rest in Being.
We still don't know the details of the tumour. Stay tuned for that and the next step. Su-An
This week saw me back for a visit with my surgeon to remove the main dressing and hear the test results. The news is good. Cancer has not spread to the liver, bones or heart -three places to which breast cancer cells like to migrate. They didn't test the brain, but the thoroughness of my eye doctor took care of that. He looked into the back of my eye for breast cancer relatedness. It was all looking good he said. "All clear" is the sound.
Then not so good news - the pressure in my right eye was up. "Maybe we should start some drops" says the doctor, followed by the observation that he detected some reluctance for me to start drops. Duh - Yes! Because once prescribed, there is an even greater reluctance on the part of the health professional to stop. I offered the point of the stress of the general anaesthetic totally messing with the body's mechanism. Luckily my doctor had had a general anaesthetic himself and had experienced brain fog for 3 weeks. (Me too) So he saw my point, and we are on hold with the drops till the next time I see him. Unless the hole in the eye (trabeculectomy for glaucoma) has grown over, I should be able to get the pressure down with dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits.
One interesting observation concerns the over-diagnosis and treatment of conditions. For example, all the tests I did show that there is Degenerative Disc Disease here, a small cyst there, mild scoliosis somewhere else. We start to see the need for parameters around how upset or excited we are going to get over our body health. From the net: "Disc degeneration is a natural part of aging and over time all people will exhibit changes in their discs consistent with a greater or lesser degree of degeneration. However, not all people will develop symptoms. In fact, degenerative disc disease is quite variable in its nature and severity."
Thanks to my diet and lifestyle I have no bodily pain - just the symptoms of a a biological entity changing over time - I liken it to barnacles on a ship. No big deal. Maybe cancer should be viewed in the same light? Somewhere, however, that is a big deal and I recoil from its progress. Life really is a great chaotic happening where nothing really makes any sense, but the mind always searches for it. Again, the joy of meditation to rest in Being.
We still don't know the details of the tumour. Stay tuned for that and the next step. Su-An
2/12/10
Post surgery
A general anaesthetic must be the black hole of consciousness. One minute on the table, and as if the next minute coughing awake in the recovery room with no sense of any time having passed. I am thankful for anaesthesia, along with the amazing kindness of all hospital employees.
In days of yore, aspiring yogis would be sent to the cremation ground to meditate all night on the transient nature of the body. These days I suggest you spend a morning in the waiting room of a hospital's day surgery. You will get the point. It is a humbling experience - a disillusionment of belief in this human body as permanent. Yet, because there is someone, something, some consciousness who is ever present, we naturally search for this and put it on what we see - our bodies! As I allow time to heal the wound of the knife cut, (partial mastectomy and sentinel node removal)I reflect on these matters and wonder at this thing I call life with what I call me in it.
Su-An
In days of yore, aspiring yogis would be sent to the cremation ground to meditate all night on the transient nature of the body. These days I suggest you spend a morning in the waiting room of a hospital's day surgery. You will get the point. It is a humbling experience - a disillusionment of belief in this human body as permanent. Yet, because there is someone, something, some consciousness who is ever present, we naturally search for this and put it on what we see - our bodies! As I allow time to heal the wound of the knife cut, (partial mastectomy and sentinel node removal)I reflect on these matters and wonder at this thing I call life with what I call me in it.
Su-An
2/4/10
Insights, Acupuncture and Homeopathy
Reflecting on the Journey work as I found myself feeling lighter, brighter and receiving a compliment that I looked 10 years younger, I am reminded of a great lesson - life is both universal and personal. On the personal level, it's all about me. (Universally it's all about ME, but that is subject for another day.) Back to me. There are two sides here - one the great joke of someone talking of themselves and then saying: "That's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"
That's not what I want to convey here. I will however make it personal to illustrate my point. In my confused reactionary state to this breast cancer recurrence, I put a lot of blame out there on my dad. It has nothing to do with him. He did the best he could always. It was me who absorbed the environment he created around me - yes, unwittingly, but I now have the choice to release and let go of that. This we did yesterday through our Journey process. I have done it before, and may have to do it again. We repeat the healing therapies that work for us until we get it! That's why I meditate every day. My little soul flame needs this constant reminder that Big Presence is totally one with her, and that perfection can only lie in the moment. Forgiveness for human limitations is a must.
Once we awaken to being alive, we have choices. The first step is acceptance of what is happening and taking full responsibility there. Now, I can take that Journey to release old emotional holding patterns, and work at being fully present with new waves, but when I take this approach to the subject of hormones, I am left with a disturbing thought. As much as I balance and take care of my personal ones, these xeno-estrogens are lurking lurking everywhere now in the environment, twenty first century. I feel overwhelmed with what has to be done here to rectify things. One big anchor is "Slow Death by Rubber Duck" and its recommendations.
Back to this particular case, I have begun the homeopathy to get me through the surgery and beyond. (www.homeopathysolutions.net) Also an acupuncture session yesterday that left me yawning like a baby birdie and again another deep sleep. All good. No more complementary therapies now until after the surgery and we know what else we are dealing with. All for today. Su-An
That's not what I want to convey here. I will however make it personal to illustrate my point. In my confused reactionary state to this breast cancer recurrence, I put a lot of blame out there on my dad. It has nothing to do with him. He did the best he could always. It was me who absorbed the environment he created around me - yes, unwittingly, but I now have the choice to release and let go of that. This we did yesterday through our Journey process. I have done it before, and may have to do it again. We repeat the healing therapies that work for us until we get it! That's why I meditate every day. My little soul flame needs this constant reminder that Big Presence is totally one with her, and that perfection can only lie in the moment. Forgiveness for human limitations is a must.
Once we awaken to being alive, we have choices. The first step is acceptance of what is happening and taking full responsibility there. Now, I can take that Journey to release old emotional holding patterns, and work at being fully present with new waves, but when I take this approach to the subject of hormones, I am left with a disturbing thought. As much as I balance and take care of my personal ones, these xeno-estrogens are lurking lurking everywhere now in the environment, twenty first century. I feel overwhelmed with what has to be done here to rectify things. One big anchor is "Slow Death by Rubber Duck" and its recommendations.
Back to this particular case, I have begun the homeopathy to get me through the surgery and beyond. (www.homeopathysolutions.net) Also an acupuncture session yesterday that left me yawning like a baby birdie and again another deep sleep. All good. No more complementary therapies now until after the surgery and we know what else we are dealing with. All for today. Su-An
2/3/10
Complementary Therapies begin
I sat yesterday for an hour with a Journey (C) practitioner, (www.iris-journey.com)
The practitioner asks skilful questions that release deep emotional blockages - emotions that were suppressed and/or repressed at the time of the feeling. Emotional intelligence is hard to find for many reasons, the main one being ignorance of its existence. When we begin to be curious about how it functions, our lives become a whole lot easier. Emotions are simply energy in motion - e-motion. The healthiest way to deal with them is to welcome them in, give them their air time and then see them off at the door. That whole process should take no longer than 90 seconds. Another one of those practices where implementation is way more difficult than it sounds.
Needless to say, my inner being (part of the mind sheath) is rippled with these blocks. What I see is that it is not so important to delve into the cause as to ask myself how they are serving me in this life, and how would things be if I let them go?
The process is concerned with images and feelings, opening layer upon layer until we reach the crux of the human condition, its full rawness exposed.
Afterwards I was ravenously hungry and slept like a dead person. Does that mean it worked? Time will tell!
Today we go for acupuncture...........let's see what that brings.
Su-An
The practitioner asks skilful questions that release deep emotional blockages - emotions that were suppressed and/or repressed at the time of the feeling. Emotional intelligence is hard to find for many reasons, the main one being ignorance of its existence. When we begin to be curious about how it functions, our lives become a whole lot easier. Emotions are simply energy in motion - e-motion. The healthiest way to deal with them is to welcome them in, give them their air time and then see them off at the door. That whole process should take no longer than 90 seconds. Another one of those practices where implementation is way more difficult than it sounds.
Needless to say, my inner being (part of the mind sheath) is rippled with these blocks. What I see is that it is not so important to delve into the cause as to ask myself how they are serving me in this life, and how would things be if I let them go?
The process is concerned with images and feelings, opening layer upon layer until we reach the crux of the human condition, its full rawness exposed.
Afterwards I was ravenously hungry and slept like a dead person. Does that mean it worked? Time will tell!
Today we go for acupuncture...........let's see what that brings.
Su-An
1/30/10
How I spent one Wednesday
First let me say I have only enormous appreciation and gratitude for all of those folks who work at hospitals. Multi-tasking every day - layer upon layer of sorting information, demand upon demand of folks dealing with issues ranging from language through pain to ignorance and fear.
It took me an hour of waiting to realise that I needed to have a little more control over what was happening. My appointment to see a nurse and doctor was before one for a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound that demanded fasting, drinking copious amounts of water and not peeing. Not surprisingly the doctor/nurse information appointment was late. This made for a very full bladder along with unnecessary stress while I made a fuss to be ultrasounded before my bladder burst. In retrospect, I should have been ultrasounded during that hour wait, but what did I know. Only when I woke up to how hospitals run did I realise the importance of taking a number to get in line to take another number to get to see the right person.
As always the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and as long as I am polite and deferential things can go my way. To panic or succumb to helplessness and fear is most dangerous.
So we did the physical tests. I have the blood pressure of a 20 year old girl. I am in good shape. I can touch my toes. I eat the right things to prevent cancer. But still the bird has its claws in my neck. That was a dream I had. It swooped from the sky and dug its energy in there. The good news is that I called for help. And I continue to call on all levels.
The nurse told me all what to expect apres surgery - what to do - what to wear - what not to do. Somewhat overwhelming, but I began to allow myself to remember the last time, and will process it all in due course.
Two ultrasounds, an ECG and blood tests later and we were allowed to leave after a gruelling, brutal 5 hours of bodily invasion, blood letting and total loss of dignity. I came home and slept like the proverbial babe.
At least that part is over. Su-An
It took me an hour of waiting to realise that I needed to have a little more control over what was happening. My appointment to see a nurse and doctor was before one for a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound that demanded fasting, drinking copious amounts of water and not peeing. Not surprisingly the doctor/nurse information appointment was late. This made for a very full bladder along with unnecessary stress while I made a fuss to be ultrasounded before my bladder burst. In retrospect, I should have been ultrasounded during that hour wait, but what did I know. Only when I woke up to how hospitals run did I realise the importance of taking a number to get in line to take another number to get to see the right person.
As always the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and as long as I am polite and deferential things can go my way. To panic or succumb to helplessness and fear is most dangerous.
So we did the physical tests. I have the blood pressure of a 20 year old girl. I am in good shape. I can touch my toes. I eat the right things to prevent cancer. But still the bird has its claws in my neck. That was a dream I had. It swooped from the sky and dug its energy in there. The good news is that I called for help. And I continue to call on all levels.
The nurse told me all what to expect apres surgery - what to do - what to wear - what not to do. Somewhat overwhelming, but I began to allow myself to remember the last time, and will process it all in due course.
Two ultrasounds, an ECG and blood tests later and we were allowed to leave after a gruelling, brutal 5 hours of bodily invasion, blood letting and total loss of dignity. I came home and slept like the proverbial babe.
At least that part is over. Su-An
1/24/10
Front runner
As I zoom in on hormonal links to this and that, it becomes very clear that not much is known about post post menopausal women and hormones. Research and education is catching up on all the ages up to menopause, but 10 years after? 20 years after? It will be my baby-boomer generation demanding this news as we start to live more than half our lives outside of menopause. (age 0-12 and 55-100 gives us a good 50+ years without monthly bleeding.) Think about that for a minute. The implications and ramifications are huge on so many levels, personal and planetary. So once again I am ahead of my time. This has been somewhat of a theme in my life - early in the game, but never 100% poised to take advantage of it. Finally I had thought a possibility with what I have created over the last 8 years, except I see I have neither the support nor the funds to see it through. The real work of course will be on the level of ego and marvelling at its constant need to reaffirm itself. There must be another way - this journey to discover it.
All for now, Su-An
All for now, Su-An
1/20/10
The hospital revisited
All day medical tests - the staff says I won't feel the pinch, but I do. I feel everything.
I sat for a while in reception, watching. The parking lot was full, the place humming. This meeting place has taken over from the community centre and the mall. I experimented my latest alchemical practice, breathing in pain, breathing out love.
Vignettes of old man pushing old wife in new wheelchair - poor fellow - only by chance did she get the easy chair first. Another guy waiting; upon a small hello from my side, he released a torrent of suffering. He couldn't breathe. It's a strange place a hospital. I sat a while in the very small chapel and meditated. One enormous animal of a hospital for the body and one tiny room for the soul - somewhere I think we have gotten things back to front.
So begins my journey into this world. I accept where I am with it. I accept where I am with it. I accept where I am with it. (This acceptance stuff is not easy!) I accept where I am with it. Next set of tests in one week. Su-An
I sat for a while in reception, watching. The parking lot was full, the place humming. This meeting place has taken over from the community centre and the mall. I experimented my latest alchemical practice, breathing in pain, breathing out love.
Vignettes of old man pushing old wife in new wheelchair - poor fellow - only by chance did she get the easy chair first. Another guy waiting; upon a small hello from my side, he released a torrent of suffering. He couldn't breathe. It's a strange place a hospital. I sat a while in the very small chapel and meditated. One enormous animal of a hospital for the body and one tiny room for the soul - somewhere I think we have gotten things back to front.
So begins my journey into this world. I accept where I am with it. I accept where I am with it. I accept where I am with it. (This acceptance stuff is not easy!) I accept where I am with it. Next set of tests in one week. Su-An
1/14/10
Reality check
I am beginning to see that I approach life with some naivete. As I talk with folks about hormones, I realise that it isn't as simple as it sounds. I can balance the ones in my body all I like, but I will still be at the mercy of those xeno-estrogens lurking in the environment. Please read: Slow Death by Rubber Duck if you haven't already. You can find it at http://slowdeathbyrubberduck.com/ or http://www.amazon.ca
It is one scary story of "how the toxic chemistry of everyday life affects our health."
The good news so far is that we have the surgery time tabled and also all the tests needed beforehand. That was a mammoth job during the last 3 days. Precious time taken from work projects to call hospitals, ask for appointments, leave messages, get called back with rejections and starting the whole process over. But we did it. Now the journey begins.
I also had my first N.A.E.T. treatment for allergic responses to calcium, soy, beans, amino acids and ....hormones. I have upped my calcium intake to 2,000mg per day and vitamin D to 2,000I.U. for help with the sleep cat-naps.
Today it hit me quite forcefully that I will be out of commission for a while. Maybe even longer. Who knows. In light of that I am asking for donations towards living costs. Am I really going through this nightmare one more time. Too hard to fathom. Signing out, SF
It is one scary story of "how the toxic chemistry of everyday life affects our health."
The good news so far is that we have the surgery time tabled and also all the tests needed beforehand. That was a mammoth job during the last 3 days. Precious time taken from work projects to call hospitals, ask for appointments, leave messages, get called back with rejections and starting the whole process over. But we did it. Now the journey begins.
I also had my first N.A.E.T. treatment for allergic responses to calcium, soy, beans, amino acids and ....hormones. I have upped my calcium intake to 2,000mg per day and vitamin D to 2,000I.U. for help with the sleep cat-naps.
Today it hit me quite forcefully that I will be out of commission for a while. Maybe even longer. Who knows. In light of that I am asking for donations towards living costs. Am I really going through this nightmare one more time. Too hard to fathom. Signing out, SF
1/11/10
11.01.10
The reason I called myself a fractal or a mirror the other day is because this new lump is a mirror image of the old in the second breast - is there some message in that? All I can say is that it is a good thing I only have 2 of them.
This lump, like the last, loves estrogen. Guess what? My body is allergic to estrogen. It is rejecting it and the cancer is gobbling it up. Talk about hormone disconnect. There have been a couple of Groundhog Day moments back to the time of the first diagnosis - like being given a big box of chocolates practically on the day I am vowed to stop all, but all, sugar. And then finding myself craving the yoghurt (dairy/estrogen)one day before Christmas. Warning signs, not to mention my intuitive sense that my kidney and liver need some help.
I will say that my dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits work up to a point, because I am alive, but ultimately, it's just not in our hands....... Today we contemplated death and the wonder of life. I shovelled snow with a relish.
I also called the clinic to ask them to proceed with the arrangements for the surgery. I am being offered many healing treatments. Stay tuned!
Enough for today. SA
This lump, like the last, loves estrogen. Guess what? My body is allergic to estrogen. It is rejecting it and the cancer is gobbling it up. Talk about hormone disconnect. There have been a couple of Groundhog Day moments back to the time of the first diagnosis - like being given a big box of chocolates practically on the day I am vowed to stop all, but all, sugar. And then finding myself craving the yoghurt (dairy/estrogen)one day before Christmas. Warning signs, not to mention my intuitive sense that my kidney and liver need some help.
I will say that my dietary excellence and optimal lifestyle habits work up to a point, because I am alive, but ultimately, it's just not in our hands....... Today we contemplated death and the wonder of life. I shovelled snow with a relish.
I also called the clinic to ask them to proceed with the arrangements for the surgery. I am being offered many healing treatments. Stay tuned!
Enough for today. SA
1/10/10
100110
Powerful numbers for the day -10 01 10 or 01 10 10 or 01 10 20 10 - whatever way you look at it - pretty darn good........
Today I sat with a group of healing practitioners and began to create a plan of healing using complementary therapies. Loosely the following:
Pursue allergy release with a NAET practitioner over time.
Do lymphatic massage after surgery - repeat and add rebounding daily.
Before the op - Therapeutic Touch
Right after op - Praanic Healing
later - Emotional clearing of dad/Aura polishing/Hormone adjustment
Let's see if it works! How I am in 1 year, 5, 10 - let's say we'll look at my health state then and see what has worked. I guess if I am alive I can say it is working. After that, really it's a matter of whatever gets you through the night - whatever works. It's just that I have this very strong feeling/idea that the body can live forever. How stupid can a person get? Yet, still I try - my new dance. I know who will win in the end. That death God Yam, he came and told me last time that he'd be waiting for me. But we can certainly give him a good run for his money. So bury me with a dollar in my hand as payment for his pleasure.......good song title, but please burn, not bury, otherwise my soul will not be liberated.
Enough for today - day one of my action plan, day ten of the new year, month one, year one of the decade,
Su-An the mirror
Today I sat with a group of healing practitioners and began to create a plan of healing using complementary therapies. Loosely the following:
Pursue allergy release with a NAET practitioner over time.
Do lymphatic massage after surgery - repeat and add rebounding daily.
Before the op - Therapeutic Touch
Right after op - Praanic Healing
later - Emotional clearing of dad/Aura polishing/Hormone adjustment
Let's see if it works! How I am in 1 year, 5, 10 - let's say we'll look at my health state then and see what has worked. I guess if I am alive I can say it is working. After that, really it's a matter of whatever gets you through the night - whatever works. It's just that I have this very strong feeling/idea that the body can live forever. How stupid can a person get? Yet, still I try - my new dance. I know who will win in the end. That death God Yam, he came and told me last time that he'd be waiting for me. But we can certainly give him a good run for his money. So bury me with a dollar in my hand as payment for his pleasure.......good song title, but please burn, not bury, otherwise my soul will not be liberated.
Enough for today - day one of my action plan, day ten of the new year, month one, year one of the decade,
Su-An the mirror
1/9/10
So, here we are - 2 weeks and 3 days after the tumour alert. I got through those days in varying degrees of panic, from being totally melted to -----well, the whole gamut - denial, anger - yes, pissed at my dad for having such old genes - at 60 after his hey-day. One point in his favour is that his initial ones would have been of survival quality.
And talking of my dad, there may be some work to do here with his memory, as from the emotional angle, the left breast deals with parents and children. I was holding this left baby the other day when it suddenly came into my head that I cannot remember ever having a conversation with my father apart from at the dining table. And beyond the age of 5 - before that I would cuddle up on his lap and he would tell me a story - beyond that, I cannot recall any moment when we exchanged a hug - the only affection being my dutiful kiss on his forehead before I went to bed. When I see the amazing relating that occurs between fathers and children in my neighbourhood I start to wonder what issues lurk there for release in my breast. Let's see what the emotional healers do with that!
And here my blog purpose - to record this second dance around with breast cancer. In the second breast. My thinking it is well related to hormones. Everything has been tickety-boo until now - and it is a year and a half since I stopped taking Arimidex to decrease my estrogen production. Is there a connection?
This following from the website:
womenshealth.gov Home
Hormone receptors — About two-thirds of all breast cancers contain significant levels of estrogen receptors, which means the tumors are estrogen receptor positive (ER+). ER+ tumors tend to grow less aggressively and may respond favorably to treatment with hormones.
Hormone therapy is used for breast cancers that are estrogen receptor-positive. This means that the female hormone estrogen stimulates this type of breast cancer to grow. Hormone therapy stops cancer cells from growing by reducing the production of hormones or blocking their action. Hormone therapy is not indicated if breast cancer is estrogen receptor-negative. Hormone therapy includes:
Tamoxifen (tuh-MOK-suh-fen) — A drug that blocks estrogen’s action. Tamoxifen slightly increases the risk of blood clots and uterine cancer in women who have a uterus. It is usually taken for 5 years.
Aromatase (uh-ROH-muh-tayz) inhibitors — Drugs that decrease the production of estrogen. It is given to some postmenopausal women who have hormone-dependent breast cancer. This is breast cancer that needs estrogen to grow. Aromatase inhibitors are taken for 5 years. Women who take tamoxifen often take an aromatase inhibitor after the tamoxifen treatment is done.
Ovarian ablation (oh-VAIR-ee-uhn uh-BLAY-shuhn) — Surgery, radiation, or drugs stop the ovaries from making estrogen in premenopausal women.
So there you have it - the purpose of the blog - to see, once we have taken out tumour and maybe even radiated. we are left with the huge black hole can of worms hot potato hormones. I will fight to not do Arimidex again, or try Tamoxifen or Ralooxifene or any other unnatural or unbiologial substance. I will do my own clinical trial study on natural ways to balance my hormones. And if it doesn't work, well then we reconsider the above.
All for now, Su-An the Fractal
And talking of my dad, there may be some work to do here with his memory, as from the emotional angle, the left breast deals with parents and children. I was holding this left baby the other day when it suddenly came into my head that I cannot remember ever having a conversation with my father apart from at the dining table. And beyond the age of 5 - before that I would cuddle up on his lap and he would tell me a story - beyond that, I cannot recall any moment when we exchanged a hug - the only affection being my dutiful kiss on his forehead before I went to bed. When I see the amazing relating that occurs between fathers and children in my neighbourhood I start to wonder what issues lurk there for release in my breast. Let's see what the emotional healers do with that!
And here my blog purpose - to record this second dance around with breast cancer. In the second breast. My thinking it is well related to hormones. Everything has been tickety-boo until now - and it is a year and a half since I stopped taking Arimidex to decrease my estrogen production. Is there a connection?
This following from the website:
womenshealth.gov Home
Hormone receptors — About two-thirds of all breast cancers contain significant levels of estrogen receptors, which means the tumors are estrogen receptor positive (ER+). ER+ tumors tend to grow less aggressively and may respond favorably to treatment with hormones.
Hormone therapy is used for breast cancers that are estrogen receptor-positive. This means that the female hormone estrogen stimulates this type of breast cancer to grow. Hormone therapy stops cancer cells from growing by reducing the production of hormones or blocking their action. Hormone therapy is not indicated if breast cancer is estrogen receptor-negative. Hormone therapy includes:
Tamoxifen (tuh-MOK-suh-fen) — A drug that blocks estrogen’s action. Tamoxifen slightly increases the risk of blood clots and uterine cancer in women who have a uterus. It is usually taken for 5 years.
Aromatase (uh-ROH-muh-tayz) inhibitors — Drugs that decrease the production of estrogen. It is given to some postmenopausal women who have hormone-dependent breast cancer. This is breast cancer that needs estrogen to grow. Aromatase inhibitors are taken for 5 years. Women who take tamoxifen often take an aromatase inhibitor after the tamoxifen treatment is done.
Ovarian ablation (oh-VAIR-ee-uhn uh-BLAY-shuhn) — Surgery, radiation, or drugs stop the ovaries from making estrogen in premenopausal women.
So there you have it - the purpose of the blog - to see, once we have taken out tumour and maybe even radiated. we are left with the huge black hole can of worms hot potato hormones. I will fight to not do Arimidex again, or try Tamoxifen or Ralooxifene or any other unnatural or unbiologial substance. I will do my own clinical trial study on natural ways to balance my hormones. And if it doesn't work, well then we reconsider the above.
All for now, Su-An the Fractal
12/26/09
Boxing Day
A day of boxes or boxing? Neither for me - I want to be open to the sky and embrace before fighting. Thus my insistence on acceptance first and first of all steps. The closest I can come to is that I accept that my doctor thinks I have a tumour. In my head and heart and breast I hope it is a benign cyst. It could well be that. At the time of the right side stuff, there was cancer in situ here, but I got rid of that with the excellent dietary and lifestyle changes I adopted, but it does mean I have a tendency for growths.
Emotionally it is connected with the loss of parent or child 2 years prior. Now my cat only left one month ago, so maybe I am processing more quickly. Is that an out-to-lunch possibility? Who knows.
So this is my idea.
· First get used to dealing with this and not worry about it until I at least have the results.
· Moratorium on anything the slightest bit dairy or sugar for the next 2 weeks – not that I have a lot, but I do some.
· Continue this blog - this journey - this process. If at all this lump is cancerous, I will do surgery, even radiation, but chemo?! That thought calls for a major "Argh!!!" to the universe. As for hormonal therapy, and this is where I want to bargain, I will ask for a time frame (6 months?) and do all the healing modalities that come into my head and heart: be my own guinea pig – maybe someone will want to monitor it as a university study – complementary therapies versus allopathic. God knows that health is a hot potato, with allopaths leading the field, but all complements galloping up from behind. I was interviewed a couple of months ago by one student on my last cancer trip - his assignment to do that. He got an A- for the work. All down the road, but the blog is begun! And the energy is there thank the Lord.
A demain, SF
Emotionally it is connected with the loss of parent or child 2 years prior. Now my cat only left one month ago, so maybe I am processing more quickly. Is that an out-to-lunch possibility? Who knows.
So this is my idea.
· First get used to dealing with this and not worry about it until I at least have the results.
· Moratorium on anything the slightest bit dairy or sugar for the next 2 weeks – not that I have a lot, but I do some.
· Continue this blog - this journey - this process. If at all this lump is cancerous, I will do surgery, even radiation, but chemo?! That thought calls for a major "Argh!!!" to the universe. As for hormonal therapy, and this is where I want to bargain, I will ask for a time frame (6 months?) and do all the healing modalities that come into my head and heart: be my own guinea pig – maybe someone will want to monitor it as a university study – complementary therapies versus allopathic. God knows that health is a hot potato, with allopaths leading the field, but all complements galloping up from behind. I was interviewed a couple of months ago by one student on my last cancer trip - his assignment to do that. He got an A- for the work. All down the road, but the blog is begun! And the energy is there thank the Lord.
A demain, SF
12/25/09
ChristmasDay2009
"Start blogging........." the instructions said. A year ago I had no inkling of this word - blogging. (Noggin, snoggin, foggin, doggin, but bloggin?), and now I am excited to try it. Mind you, I have been propelled towards it by some force as if from left field.
Wednesday evening last I watched 'Julie and Julia', - Julia Childs as seen through Julia New York who creates a blog as she aligns purpose with goals and decides to give herself so many days to cook her way through the cookbook that rocked a generation of Americans.
I found the movie bland whilst watching - yet later was oddly challenged to do something similar. To clarify my vision, and once alignment can take place, move towards detailed action.
It would have stayed a passing fancy had I not received the news 3 days ago that my surgical oncologist believes I have a tumour growing in my left breast. "NO no NO" my heart cries and I run through the stages of grief, one after another until I can come to rest at bargaining. That is where I am 2 days later. There was a full day of denial where I chomped into cheezy pizza and smeared toast with butter. How could this happen!!!!
I have been searching the right affirmation for my acceptance practice and the closest I can come is that I accept my doctor thinks I have a tumour starting in my left breast. That much is unavoidable. But surely it is benign?! But whether yes or no, I see I have gotten slack in small things - like eating dairy now and again, not exercising enough, being too much of a control freak. It turns out I fit the cancer personality very well. So all I can say is "thankyou" to the Universe for at least keeping this temple temporary tent alive so far so well.
My initial idea that came a few hours after the news, and is still the best one I can come up with, is to check out the efficacy of the disciplines that are there for me at work in lieu of any of the following treatments: chemotherapy, hormone therapy. Maybe the university would fund a study?
That is my place of bargaining that I have reached. Denial down, anger smouldering, but I am ready to strike a bargain. Let's see what comes forth. All for today. SF
Wednesday evening last I watched 'Julie and Julia', - Julia Childs as seen through Julia New York who creates a blog as she aligns purpose with goals and decides to give herself so many days to cook her way through the cookbook that rocked a generation of Americans.
I found the movie bland whilst watching - yet later was oddly challenged to do something similar. To clarify my vision, and once alignment can take place, move towards detailed action.
It would have stayed a passing fancy had I not received the news 3 days ago that my surgical oncologist believes I have a tumour growing in my left breast. "NO no NO" my heart cries and I run through the stages of grief, one after another until I can come to rest at bargaining. That is where I am 2 days later. There was a full day of denial where I chomped into cheezy pizza and smeared toast with butter. How could this happen!!!!
I have been searching the right affirmation for my acceptance practice and the closest I can come is that I accept my doctor thinks I have a tumour starting in my left breast. That much is unavoidable. But surely it is benign?! But whether yes or no, I see I have gotten slack in small things - like eating dairy now and again, not exercising enough, being too much of a control freak. It turns out I fit the cancer personality very well. So all I can say is "thankyou" to the Universe for at least keeping this temple temporary tent alive so far so well.
My initial idea that came a few hours after the news, and is still the best one I can come up with, is to check out the efficacy of the disciplines that are there for me at work in lieu of any of the following treatments: chemotherapy, hormone therapy. Maybe the university would fund a study?
That is my place of bargaining that I have reached. Denial down, anger smouldering, but I am ready to strike a bargain. Let's see what comes forth. All for today. SF
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